Livingston Girls by Briana Morgan

Author:Briana Morgan [Morgan, Briana]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Briana Morgan
Published: 2020-03-23T18:30:00+00:00

17

“BACK AT MY old school, I had… an affair. With my English teacher. His name was Nathan and he was thirty and it felt right at the time. Another teacher discovered us. He, uh… That’s why I’m here.”

In the wake of my confession, silence permeates the room. I’m not surprised. I’m not relieved. If anything, I feel numb. Numb, and a little ashamed of myself. What would I do if I were in their shoes?

So far, all they’ve done is stare at me. I guess at least I’m lucky they can look me in the eye.

Wilting like a flower in the heat of their gaze, I raise my glass to my lips and drink the rest of my wine. It refills itself. I take another sip, then another, then keep on drinking until the glass is empty once again. New wine rises to the top. My stomach is warm, my head swims. I’m not sure it’s from the wine.

“Say something, someone. Please.”

I hate how desperate my voice comes out, but in it there’s sincerity. I’ve never been so eager for silence to break. Even if they don’t like what I’ve said, at least they’re saying something, and the truth is out. No more secrets.

Once they answer, I can breathe. Once I know whether I still have my friends.

This moment is my limbo, my private purgatory. The sooner it ends for me, the better.

Plus, it’s almost Charlie’s turn. I’m grateful for a distraction.

“Is that it?” Ronnie asks.

“Mate,” Billie adds, “we thought you’d killed somebody.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. Charlie said she saw your parents, but we had a bet you’d killed them, and the others were just actors.”

“Gods.” I let out a shaky laugh and some of my nerves go with it. “So… it doesn’t bother you?”

“Not at all,” Charlie chimes in. “Besides, it wasn’t your fault.”

I frown at her. “Not my fault?”

“It was abuse,” Billie clarifies. “He took advantage of his position. Took advantage of you.”

“He loved me,” I argue.

“That’s not love,” June says. “Love isn’t like that.”

Ronnie crosses her arms. “Did you take you out in public? Show you off to everyone?”

“Well, no,” I admit. “We couldn’t really be seen together outside of school.”

“Did you do nice things for you? Treat you well?” Charlie asks.

I think for a minute. Out of all the things I did with Nathan, none of them were my idea. I don’t remember him ever asking me what I wanted. Even when I had the pregnancy scare, he didn’t ask me whether I wanted to keep it. He just told me to get the morning-after pill, and if that didn’t work, said he’d pay for an abortion.

I speak past the lump in my throat. “He was dismissive of my needs and wants, unless they lined up with his. He didn’t… he didn’t offer me anything besides himself, I guess.”

“And even then, not fully,” Billie guesses. “Is that right?”

Everything they’re saying falls in line with what my mom said on the phone right after school started. It barely permeated then, but now, I understand.

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